1. The other day I made the flattest banana bread of my life. I usually excel at banana bread. (This recipe tastes like unicorn tears) But this time, it only lived up to half of its potential. Likely because halfway through making it, I realized that Casey had used the last of the eggs for his scrambled eggs that morning. (But you’re a stay-at-home mom, don’t you make your husband’s breakfast everyday? Hahahaha, no.) And anyways, no eggs meant that my little banana bread came out all flat and sad-looking. I felt so bad for her. I kept imagining how self-conscious my little banana bread might feel next a bigger, more well-endowed banana bread. So I tried to make her feel better by telling her it’s what’s on the inside that counts.
2. I promise I have a life.
3. But speaking of well-endowment (??), does anyone remember that book where the boys give the girl’s state nicknames based on their boob size? Like, the girl who gets Colorado has big tator tots and the girl who gets Nebraska is as flat as…. my banana bread. It’s got to be a Judy Blume book, right? Help! This is going to bug me.
4. In regards to #3, I imagine that I used to be an Oregon, all mountainous. But since having a kid, I’m more like a Pennsylvania… sloping hills and what not.
5. If I have any male readers left after #4, I applaud your stamina. Let me take you out for a nice whiskey drink.
6. We got Crosby a play kitchen for Christmas (shh don’t tell him) and I’m fancying it up with spray paint and contact paper, because I’m a douchebag mom. But anyways, yesterday I put on like a million coats of spray paint and now… my arm is sore. I probably shouldn’t be telling you that.
7. Last week I took a freelance job so we had to send Crosby to daycare for a few days, which was only the second time in his itty bitty life that he’s gone. And wouldn’t you know? He got sick. Then I got sick. Then Casey got sick. Then my dad (who was here visiting) got sick. Then my stopmom got sick. With a stomach virus. It was a calamity of events that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Except maybe Donald Trump. Now he’s a real douchebag.
8. In addition to us all getting sick last weekend, our dog Gus got into my stepsister’s luggage and ate a bunch of her vitamins/pills… including Advil. And if you don’t know, Advil is no bueno for doggies. It can cause kidney failure, among many other scary sounding things. So in the midst of my stomach bug, I had the distinct honor of bringing my dog to the vet to get his stomach pumped. He ended up having to spend the night at the hospital for monitoring and fluids and such… and long story short, he’s going to be just fine. We’re going to have to take out a second mortgage to pay for his vet bill, but hey, Crosby doesn’t need to go to college, right?
9. On a more exciting note! We’re heading to Minnesota today for Christmas! Uffdah you betcha doncha know! (<—sorry) I talked to my sweet grandma on the phone yesterday and she offered to make us a casserole when we go to her house for lunch next week. I literally cannot wait.
10. By a show of hands, who thinks clogs are an acceptable footwear choice. Because I currently have 2 pairs on my Christmas list. #portlandproblems